Pre- meeting blog

We are definitely nervous! Maybe they will call tomorrow and tell us the meeting is canceled. I hope not! Yet....I find myself already trying to protect my heart. "Maybe the court date in December won't go through," "maybe they will find a relative to take the boys," "maybe they will decide they changed their minds," " maybe God has decided these are not the boys for us," maybe..... The 'maybes' are there to protect my heart.

My wonderful husband has already informed me that if these boys make it into our home, there is no protecting our hearts! Isn't that what hurts the most about love? You love and cannot see what love will look like later. Love may be taking care of these boys for a season--literally--and then love may be praying for them later as they are wrenched out of my arms only to be placed somewhere else. And still, we love. We have the command to love in John 15.17: "This is my commandment that you love one another. " Don't we get to choose whom we will love? Most of the time, yes! But, then there are those other times when you are commanded to love. This is one of those times when we are being commanded to love and loving just happens to be so easy.

Please pray for my fragile heart. I really never wanted to adopt this way. This wasn't what I had planned and yet, here I am following God's leading. I see God's hand on this in so many ways! Yet, seeing God's hand now may be to help me walk through that door. And later, He will say, this is exactly where I wanted you! Maybe even despair--dare I say that? We are sometimes found there, too, with God's voice clearly saying--"walk through this door, too!"

This weekend I found myself reflecting again on the depravity of my heart. Once again mourning the sinfulness in me. All it did though was remind me of why I am adopting these boys. Any flaw they have can't compare to the flaw in my soul. They and I need a Saviour!

And, here I end praying, Please God, protect my heart!!