I Met Birth Mom...

Many of you are asking about a blog....sorry it's been so long.  It is sometimes very draining. I thought it would be easy to blog but the blog has only brought out more questions....which is theraputic to talk through all of them and yet very draining on the emotions.....

I met birth mom at the courthouse this week.  It was a funny day!  Shiloh was out of town--again.  :(  And, it was 9.30--still not showered.  Got a call that someone wanted to see the house.  So, my babysitter (an angel on the side) came in and helped pick up all the stuff that just gets put out in the morning between the hours of 7 and 9, nevermind, the dishes I didn't do since I already do 3 loads a day.  :)  On top of that, we were out of milk and I had no idea how long I'd be gone.  So, that was the morning.  But, I was able to shower, dry my hair, get to the store for milk, Rose picked up the house and I made it on time to meet birth mom.  I also met our Lawyer Ella Joan.  She is great! CYFD (the state) will pay for a lawyer for us up to a certain amount and certain lawyers agree to their fees.  She's already done so much for us!  I also go to meet and speak with birth mom's lawyer (who is openly frustrated with her client and is ready to be done with the whole case!)

The meeting I had with birth mom was a little odd because the boys are not adopted yet.  However, they go ahead and discuss the plan for after adoption (in case that is where it ends up.)  Mom and Dad's rights were terminated a few weeks ago.  However, I left off explaining that mom still has the right to an Appeal.  WELL, the bad news is that the Facts and Findings have not been filed, which has to be approved before we can file the Termination---a bunch of paperwork and protocol.  It would be nice if everyone wanted to see this go as fast as we do, but I know that if we are to adopt them, if we are to have them in our home, God will adopt them!  Shiloh and I might have to wait a while longer, but it doesn't change how we will treat them while they are in our home.  So, I am wandering around with my thoughts....

I was a little nervous, I must say.  I was hoping for Shiloh's trip to get cancelled with all the snow in DC and in Chicago (which was his connecting flight) but on the other hand...I didn't want him to miss the biggest work day of his life!  He got to brief (talk about) a flight from "his" airplane, the Airborne Laser to top officials at the Pentagon.  This was a good thing because now he tells me he can retire.....now, how do we pay the bills??  Oh well, I'll keep going....

I was a little surprised at first to see her in handcuffs and then more surprised to see that they were hot pink?  Who knew?  She was in orange which I thought was only for the very worst criminals....tells you how many of those murder/mystery shows I watch.  And, she was chained at her feet!  All this to have a conversation with me.  So...I was trying to be calm, trying not to talk (which I love to do), but when I get nervous it's easy for me to stop!  :)  So, I decided to eat a cookie on the table and then I decided crying would work well, too.  But, this was because they left me alone for a moment with my thoughts!  Don't do that!!!  I was really thankful for my Blackberry because my very good, close friend here in ABQ, Katie,  texted me and gave me a quote and a verse and some encouraging words and I was able to read them and calm down and wipe the tears quickly away!

SO, it's a long story, you meet first with everyone--lawyers, mom, me, mediator, deputy (who is guarding mom)...We didn't really say much except that we want the boys needs to come first....then, they have to leave and it's me, mom, the mediator, oh and the mediator in training and then the deputy who owns the hot pink handcuffs.

The mediator gets us started and asked mom if she had anything she wanted to start with---she was already crying and upset from the moment she walked in.  My heart was completely filled with compassion for her the whole time.  I could not imagine being in her place, it really was simply unfathomable.  So, it was very easy to feel her very real pain.  I was still very aware though that through the events of the past 2 years, she still does not deserve to get them back.  She loves them without a doubt but does not know how to follow through with the actions on that love.  It will be easy to tell this to the boys but I am not sure how easy it will be for them to understand and accept.

She wanted to know how the boys were and what they liked and what they did for fun.  She asked very good questions. She's had time to think about this obviously.  She asked a few strange questions, too, and I answered those as straight-faced as I could.  I kept thinking of the verse: Romans 12.16 "Do not be proud,  but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."  And, Philippians 2.3, "But with humility of mind, let each of you regard one another as more important than himself."  I looked at her and realized in the face of my sin this is where I stand, apart from Christ.  And, yet, can be free of our "chains" if we choose to follow Him.

All in all it was a very good Open Adoption Mediation (official term).  This was a very easy choice to make---to attend this, to meet birth mom and make a plan for the future with birth mom.  I mean, I was still a little nervous.  I have been wanting to adopt since I was 12, so I have been researching this for years and the majority of the research says it is better for the children to have that access to meet their birth parents and siblings (if at all possible).  I do want the very best for these boys and so I want to be able to keep up contact with her for as long as she will continue to do so.  We even discussed possible visits in the future if it was deemed in the best interest of the boys.

She left me a very good and honest letter for them. I have a huge file for them already with medical records, letters, books, a journal I'm keeping, and on and on.  I will save her letter for them so they can always go back to it.   She told me there at the table that she has not decided if she is going to appeal or not.  Please continue to pray for this.  She was surprised to hear that I had a picture of her other son and I offered to send her a copy.  I am writing her a letter and sending the picture as I promised.  I did cry a bit here and there as we were talking back and forth.  I think she could see my love for them through that, I hope.   I am not allowed to persuade her in anyway, but I did promise her that I do love them, right now!-- just like my own and I will not treat them any differently.  She cried a lot, too, and the very last thing she said, through tears, was thank you for loving them like they are your own.

I guess as I was sitting there, I could not imagine being a mother who would not appeal.  I have a little different look at that now actually seeing her sitting there crying for them.  My prayer for y'all reading this, if you have a moment is this:  Please Lord, help this birth mother to come to terms with her loss of her rights for her boys.  Please calm her heart and give her the peace to accept the consequences for what she has done or has not done for the boys.  Please help her to realize that it would be in their best interest to release them to us for their care and their growth.  Please give her a special comfort that having met me, she can be sure they are already deeply loved.  I know You chose your people Lord, but I cannot help but pray-- please draw her to Yourself and bring someone to share the gospel with her and save her.

Thank you for reading my very long blog and going along this very special trek with us in adoption.  One of the very best things I've ever done in my life!

with tears, Jenny for all